How to Deal With Someone Who Lacks Emotional Intelligence

I was speaking with an interesting man, the other day. Our conversation naturally turned to Social and Emotional Intelligence (or maybe I unconsciously steered it that way.) He posed a question that I thought perhaps more people would want to know the answer to.

He said he works with someone in his organization who is known for having low emotional intelligence. He described this person, in his words, not mine, as being unempathetic to others or what they were going through, not being able to control his emotions or even care about those around him. Although he was very good at his job technically his office had a high turnover, and morale at best was lukewarm with certain managers but overall abysmal. He personally stayed because he loved the work. So he was asking, "How do I deal with someone who lacks EI (emotional intelligence)?"

It's important to remember that culture starts from the top down, so if a leader exhibits certain qualities he will most likely be around people who...

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26 Skills That Will Improve Your Life Instantly

Social and Emotional Intelligence has been my focus for as long as I can remember. Academically I got good grades, but when it came to dealing with the social side of at school I found it so much more interesting, challenging and rewarding. I loved making friends, navigating the cliches and tribes and dealing with the ups and downs of relationships.

Fast forward to my career in professional and leadership development today, and whether it was helping introverted engineers develop soft skills, helping shy entrepreneurs network, or coaching C-Level executives to communicate with heart and passion, it was all tied back to these 26 skills that dramatically change your life once you conscientiously begin to work on them.

I live, eat, and breathe Social and Emotional Intelligence(SEI) and although it has been around academically since the early 1990’s (actually references to it much earlier than that and really since the dawn of man), it is still kind of a mystery to the average...

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Have We Become Communication Cowards?

“When was the last time you actually said to someone’s face, I don’t want to be friends with you anymore”? I overheard this while sitting in a local coffee shop working. It was two friends in their early 40’s talking about friendship.

She posed a good question.

In fact, I wondered when was the last time I said that? Technology makes it easy to “unfriend”, “block”, “unfollow” those whom you deem unworthy of friendship, and while it is easy, it isn’t forcing us to have those difficult conversations about our feelings and why we feel that way and talking about it and truly feeling it.

So to my surprise, I just saw a new app that is supposed to foster higher levels of employee engagement. This app by its description, “. . . helps you in discovering your strengths and areas for improvement by receiving honest feedback from your employees and your friends in a private manner.”

In theory great idea, it runs...

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The Decline of Customer Service and the Rise of Dogs

From moment to moment, I am always observing and evaluating how people relate to each other. I’m asking myself things like, “What did they do really well?" and "What made them connect?" or "What didn't work" and "What could they have done better?”

Over the last ten years, I have lived in numerous cities around the world and have seen a huge decline in what the U.S. was always known for . . . Customer Service. I had been living in Europe, Asia, and Australia where the customer service isn’t always great and, depending on where you go, you may wait for more than twenty minutes just to see your waitress at a local restaurant.

So when we decided to move back to The States, I was extremely excited to return to World Class Customer Service. No more bad attitudes and long waits. The land of where people would greet you with a smile as they usher you to your seat. But when I moved back and visited some of my favorite restaurants again, my American Dream was...

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How to Survive Being Emotional in a Room Full of "Tough Guys"

Recently, I had the pleasure of working with a group of eighty managers and senior leadership. I was in a room full of “tough guys”, men who were physically and mentally hardened by the long hours, long-distance commutes, and hard labor. Like nails, diamonds, and honors calculus, these guys were tough.

Typically “tough guys” aren't all about smiling for no reason. Usually, being flamboyant in energy and passionate in enthusiasm do not serve them as they weather difficult circumstances that require endurance and mental fortitude. These guys had a quiet strength, a calm energy, and a love for what they do for a living. Like many people pursuing the coveted “American Dream”, these guys had a healthy interest in creating and pursuing opportunities.

These tough guys had straight faces, folded arms and were relaxed back in their chairs. However, as we progressed and they started talking with each other and sharing experiences, advice, and knowledge, the...

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Why Yu Didn't Get The Job

Yu had ambition. He wanted to be the guy at the top, running the show. Yu was a two-time doctorate from a Top University in Machine Learning. He basically taught machines to think!

He was easily one of the smartest guys I ever met. His academic intelligence was never in question. He was at the top of his game in his work in the field of this cutting-edge technology.

But, he had one BIG problem. He was stuck. He'd been in his position for a long time and felt he had outgrown it. He could easily manage his projects, the teams and the department with his incredible intelligence. But, Yu didn't feel he was growing anymore and craved upward mobility.

He was missing something... a BIG something, a HUGE something. His academic superiority and gift always made him the smartest person in the room, but his lack of emotional intelligence (social and emotional awareness) made him difficult to talk with.

This was noted when he told me that he spent hundreds of hours studying how to be better...

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